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avevale_intelligencerSo this is just my personal experience here. My thoughts are not your thoughts, my mileage is not your mileage, my oil pressure light is not...you get the idea. This post is descriptive, not prescriptive, and there are no universal truths contained herein that I know of.
It's often stated as if it *were* a universal truth that anger is a healthy thing, that we should all be totally honest about our feelings because that "gets them out" and we'll all feel better, that if we let everyone know exactly what we're feeling about everything the streams will run the purer and we shouldn't bottle things up because that will make us ill. As a confirmed bottler (and ill person; go figure), I can say with absolute confidence that every time I have followed this advice and expressed my negative feelings honestly;
a) I have felt worse;
b) everyone around me has felt worse;
c) situations that were simple have become complicated;
d) situations that were complicated have become actively unpleasant;
e) it's taken a great deal of time and effort on everyone's part just to clear up the mess I made and get us all back to some kind of modus vivendi.
Every time. No exceptions. Being relatively sane, the only conclusion I can come to is that honestly expressing my negative emotions is something I should never ever do. Whether this is because I don't do it right, or because my negative emotions are just so toxic that they're not like other people's, or possibly because I have a psychic septic tank while others are connected to the main drain, I don't know.
The problem, of course, is that emotion trumps reason for me as I believe it does for most people, and sometimes I can't help it. At that point I can only apologise for mucking up other people's lives with stuff that should have stayed decently inside where it could do no harm to anyone else, and ask them as far as possible to ignore it, and try my best not to do it again.
So that's what I will do.
It's often stated as if it *were* a universal truth that anger is a healthy thing, that we should all be totally honest about our feelings because that "gets them out" and we'll all feel better, that if we let everyone know exactly what we're feeling about everything the streams will run the purer and we shouldn't bottle things up because that will make us ill. As a confirmed bottler (and ill person; go figure), I can say with absolute confidence that every time I have followed this advice and expressed my negative feelings honestly;
a) I have felt worse;
b) everyone around me has felt worse;
c) situations that were simple have become complicated;
d) situations that were complicated have become actively unpleasant;
e) it's taken a great deal of time and effort on everyone's part just to clear up the mess I made and get us all back to some kind of modus vivendi.
Every time. No exceptions. Being relatively sane, the only conclusion I can come to is that honestly expressing my negative emotions is something I should never ever do. Whether this is because I don't do it right, or because my negative emotions are just so toxic that they're not like other people's, or possibly because I have a psychic septic tank while others are connected to the main drain, I don't know.
The problem, of course, is that emotion trumps reason for me as I believe it does for most people, and sometimes I can't help it. At that point I can only apologise for mucking up other people's lives with stuff that should have stayed decently inside where it could do no harm to anyone else, and ask them as far as possible to ignore it, and try my best not to do it again.
So that's what I will do.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 04:44 pm (UTC)If the only side effects of your anger are bad feelings all around, you are one very lucky fellow. In some people, side effects included broken windows, smashed furniture, smashed furniture being thrown through windows, fisticuffs and the occasional stabbing with the nearest pointy object. In extreme cases, setting fire to things and blowing stuff up can occur.
As others have pointed out, choosing your forum is important. So is choosing what you vent about, and the words with which you do it. You are so very good with words - the same talent to deliver a scathing comment can be used to turn it into something more tactful, if not a compliment. Best advice my mother ever gave me, I think.