Still Passionate and Confused

(TTTO "Twice Shy" by Flanders and Swann)

When it's Friday night in the hotel bar
And a tall young man comes in
With a scarf as long as the A14
And a quite unnerving grin
As he offers the jelly babies round
With a cry of "how do you do?"
The well-dressed chap on the neighbouring stool
Will casually say to you...

Well, of course, some people do take the whole thing far too seriously...

Not me,
Not me,
I'm as normal as I can be.
From every kind of weirdness I
Am absolutely free.
Not me,
Not me,
I'm sure we would all agree.
It's just a show that I used to view
But I gave it up at the age of two
And now I'm a grown-up just like you
Yes, they're the fans, not me
They're nothing to do with me.

In a large and bustling bookshop
A young woman stands in line
Wearing a straw hat and sailor suit
And towing a wheeled K9.
As she shyly offers her pile of books
For the actor to make her mark
The sales assistant will nudge his friend
And sorrowfully remark...

No, it's sad really that some people's lives are so empty and shallow...

Not me,
Not me,
It's never been my cup of tea.
I'm a normal bloke, I support West Ham
And I drive a Ford Capri.
Not me,
Not me,
You should bark up a different tree.
I really think I should make it clear
Though I cancelled my wedding so I could be here
And the actual signing was my idea--
Still they're the fans, not me,
It's nothing to do with me.

And so with every TV show
And every film or book
There are those who blaze their passion forth
In the way they talk and look
They memorise scripts and make up lists
And argue the toss all day
And there are those who nervously turn their backs and take off their I HEART ROSE TYLER badges
As they make it a point to say...

Well, I really don't see what all the fuss is about, I mean, let's face it, it's only a television programme after all...

Not me,
Not me,
I eschew such hypocrisy.
I wear my fan's heart upon my sleeve
For all the world to see.
That's me,
That's me,
W Y S I W Y G.
I may not like the same things you do
But your fannish passion is just as true
And I'm proud to say I'm the same as you
And you're the same as me
Yes, you're a fan like me.

EDIT: minor tweaks. And again.