Voices from the past

[avevale_intelligencer]

More treasures. My grandfather's Masonic certificates, his indenture to a chemist in Dartmouth (on parchment with wax seals), poems by both my maternal uncles written while they were serving with the Navy overseas (good ones too), my great-grandfather's sketch book and his will (also on parchment, with a hefty seal), and a pouch full of (I think) my great-great-grandfather's records while serving on board various Revenue cutters in the early eighteen-hundreds.

And a letter, written on black-edged paper in a lovely copperplate hand, which I think is from my great-grandfather to my great-grandmother-to-be on the occasion of his father's death.

"Albert Place, August 21st 1862.

"My Darling Rosa,
"Many thanks for your very kind letter; indeed I am in need of consolation. This is my first great trial and it is a heavy one, but I must not make it worse by complaining. I am obliged to assume a degree of composure which seems to me quite un-natural in order to comfort poor Mother - I am thankful to say she bears up wonderfully. Better than I could have expected. She sends you her love and thanks for your kind and consoling letter.
"Poor Father was buried yesterday. It was quite necessary that it should be done early. The funeral was a very quiet one, as little show as possible. Mother did not go. The crew of the cutter bore him to his last resting place. I followed him there, and O dearest Rosa, what a crowd of sweet memories came rushing through my brain as that kindest of Fathers was lowered into the grave. I will not be selfish nor dwell on this part of my story now, you need comfort as well as I do. May God grant it to you.
"My Uncle arrived from Norfolk last night, just too late; he has done much towards cheering me. I want to give up the house and pack up the furniture and store it till you and I settle, then it will be for us. In the meantime I will send Mother to Norfolk for a while, thence to Ireland. I think the change will be beneficial.
"One thing is certain, she must not remain here alone. She would fret herself to death. I have not decided when I shall return to town.
"I delivered the parcel to the Porter at Wellington Station, and after he had it he said he must charge the carriage from London, so you see I did not benefit the young lady at all.
"I have not been down street[?] yet, but shall endeavour to do so as soon as possible. We have met with much kindness from the people here; everyone seems to pity us. I have a great deal of writing to do so I must not stay too long with you. Good bye, my own love. God bless you. I remain, yours now,
"Robert.
"P.S. Please remember me to Mr & Mrs [?] - tell me how they are and how is your health."

If someone wrote a letter like that today, it would be for public consumption; this is a private letter, so much so that I had some misgivings about sharing it, till I remembered that the only person who would be likely to object would be, well, me. But the frame of mind in which one could write "O dearest Rosa" and so on and mean it, and not be striking a pose or being ironic or merely funny--is that gone beyond recall? Are we now so knowing, so self-aware, that no actual emotion can pass our lips or our writing fingers without being censored, unless it comes in a great primal howl of grief or rage that overwhelms the filters? And is that a good thing?

I don't know. I do know I haven't expressed any actual tangible grief at all over either of my parents, and I'm starting to think I never will, that maybe I can't. They were truly the kindest of fathers, the most loving of mothers, and I miss them terribly, but...nothing.

Ah well. You probably can't get black-edged notepaper any more either.

Comments

[smoooom.livejournal.com]

I don't envy people very often. It's a stupid emotion. I am however on the edge of envying you. What a treasure trove of family history you have. I'm glad that you know what you have. You are very very lucky.

[keristor.livejournal.com]

That's really intyeresting about the papers (in detail they are probably more interesting to you than to others, but as an historical record they are probably priceless).

About the specific letter: I actually blame the 'formal' letter-writing conventions. I have never liked the construct "Dear X" (and closing 'sincerely' etc.) on formal letters, feeling that it devalued the use of the words to the status of a meaningless formality (sorry, my bank manager has never been particularly dear to me, and his 'sincerity' when denying me a loan is somewhat suspect).

But, as usual, I think that people are or can be just as affectionate in their letters in a different way or using different words. Much like the language of the King James Bible, the 'flowery' language used in previous generations (which, like the KJB, was simply normal to them) has become imbued with more emotion than perhaps it had at the time. I can imagine someone in a few hundred years unearthing a letter from me to a shop and wondering at the depth of feeling because I addressed it "Dear Mr. Smith"...

These days (and for at least the last 50 or so years) I suspect that the affection is often more shown in things like common references. 'Pet' names (and variations of names), for instance, and manner of writing. For some that can be use of things like LOLCat which they use between themselves but not outside (and many outsiders wouldn't even know that this was used as an 'injoke'), or unusual terms for things. Or even simply by things not said (refraining from swearing, for instance).

Of course, there is indeed the chilling effect of knowing that anything one writes and sends using electronic means may be exposed, which may inhibit some people's emotional output. Not having access to a significant sample of modern handwritten letters between people in love, I don't know, but I suspect that those who do still use that form may be rather more open than in electronic mail. (Of course, those who use mobile phones for mail probably just attach a nude picture of themselves, taken at the time of sending. Or so I'm led to believe by stories in the media, my phone doesn't either take or display pictures...)

[howeird]

Thank you for sharing the letter and the history. I am truly envious. From what little I know of my 1860's era family, they were not the letter-writing kind, and had they been it would have been in languages I do not read. I think I have my grandfather's Masonic pin, and while I know he was also a Shrine member, he left no documents.

I do know I haven't expressed any actual tangible grief at all over either of my parents...
I have no grief over the loss of my parents. They lived full, long, rich lives and we had made peace with each other long before their passing. My father once told me that his biggest regret was not having had the chance to do the same with his father, who died in a work-related accident when dad was 19.

They had no illusions of immortality and prepare me and my sisters for their final days starting 20 years before they happened. Maybe more. Their instructions to split the inheritance evenly between the four of us, with me as executor were given early and often, so in the end we had no squabbles and remain loving siblings.

I think of them often, which is the legacy they wanted.

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

That's a beautiful and touching letter. I like the simplicity and the directness.

[smtfhw.livejournal.com]

That's lovely... Thank you.

I've just hit a motherlode of family history myself in the form of the letters/paperwork my father gathered together while trying to prove to the German pension service that he was entitled to a pension from them for his military service. I knew the whole story in a very sketchy form but this fills in the blanks so, for example, I now know which schools he went to, what regiment he was in, and which four POW camps in Yorkshire he ended up in. I even now know which date he was captured and when he was let go. It's very odd in some ways suddenly finding yourself face to face with concrete facts.

[melodyclark.livejournal.com]

Color me bright green with envy.

The only thing I have seen that comes close to that are the love letters written between my grandmother and grandfather when they were courting. As much as we would have wanted to keep them, we buried them with my grandfather.

[batyatoon]

This is a beautiful thing to have found.

Also: But the frame of mind in which one could write "O dearest Rosa" and so on and mean it, and not be striking a pose or being ironic or merely funny--is that gone beyond recall?

Absolutely not. The wording we use has changed, but unironic expression of affection is with us still.