Didn't make it to the sink
May. 19th, 2009 05:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avevale_intelligencerBecause:
Neil Gaiman on entitlement issues.
Seanan McGuire on the above.
Both posts are good, and this is just a thought that spun off from reading them in close succession.
The answer to any question that begins "Is it wrong to feel...?" is "no."
While there may be some who have perfect control over their emotions, I believe there can only be a few. For the rest of us, emotions drive us. They are the foundation of the structures of reason we build with our brains, they are the fuel that powers the engine of our will, they are the bow with which we shoot our arrows of desire. They shape the world we live in. We do not control them. If we're very lucky, we can sometimes use them. The rest of the time, we just hold on and hope not to be thrown off.
We do control what we do about them. We have (most of the time) that measure of control. We can (nearly always) choose not to act on our emotions. It's not always an easy choice (there are times when it's not a humanly possible choice, and then we simply have to take the consequences of our actions), it can be damned painful, and it's so very tempting, every time, to give in, but we do have the power to choose. I gave in just now, when I decided to have another look at LJ instead of going and doing the dishes, and that means the dishes will remain undone for a little longer. Neil's correspondent gave in when he decided to articulate his annoyance at George R R Martin, but he exercised control in that he didn't (as far as I know) scream directly at Mr Martin, but instead put it to Neil in the form of a question.
It's not wrong to feel anything, just as it's not wrong to think anything or believe anything. I don't believe telling people that it is helps at all; it just gets them all wound up about something over which they have no control. What you do about your feelings, what you say and to whom, how you express your emotional state...that is something over which you have, most of the time, some control.
Is it wrong to feel annoyed when an author isn't writing the book you want her to write? No.
Is it wrong to write to that author saying "Why aren't you writing the book I want you to write?" Could be. Depending on how you frame the question, it could be very wrong, or it could just be mildly irritating. Either way, it's best to think before you do it, something the net makes it very easy not to do.
And now I really am going to go and do the dishes.
EDIT: no I'm not, because I've seen the pitfall yawning. Someone, possibly![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
howeird, will comment with an air of spurious innocence along the lines of "So, you're saying that it's not wrong to feel, say, hatred towards non-white people, then?"
In the sense that that feeling is not justified, yes, of course it is wrong. I want to be very clear on that. Sometimes feelings are without justification. Emotion has by its nature very little to do with truth.
What I am saying is that telling someone that it is wrong to feel that hatred (in the sense of "morally unacceptable") will not enable them to make the feeling go away. Feelings can change, of course, but the process is hardly ever susceptible to conscious control, and can take years. We may, given a firm resolve and the willingness to act on the part of our leaders, be able to eradicate acts of hatred, and compel those who feel the hatred to choose not to act on it, every time. I hope we can. But that will not make the hatred disappear. Even if we can induce people in the grip of hatred to want to be free of it, that is not something they can do by a single act of will. It's not in their control, any more than the flash of irritation when you read your favourite writer's blog and there's nothing there about the next book, or the surge of depression when I think about that sink full of crockery.
I hope that makes my meaning a little clearer.
Neil Gaiman on entitlement issues.
Seanan McGuire on the above.
Both posts are good, and this is just a thought that spun off from reading them in close succession.
The answer to any question that begins "Is it wrong to feel...?" is "no."
While there may be some who have perfect control over their emotions, I believe there can only be a few. For the rest of us, emotions drive us. They are the foundation of the structures of reason we build with our brains, they are the fuel that powers the engine of our will, they are the bow with which we shoot our arrows of desire. They shape the world we live in. We do not control them. If we're very lucky, we can sometimes use them. The rest of the time, we just hold on and hope not to be thrown off.
We do control what we do about them. We have (most of the time) that measure of control. We can (nearly always) choose not to act on our emotions. It's not always an easy choice (there are times when it's not a humanly possible choice, and then we simply have to take the consequences of our actions), it can be damned painful, and it's so very tempting, every time, to give in, but we do have the power to choose. I gave in just now, when I decided to have another look at LJ instead of going and doing the dishes, and that means the dishes will remain undone for a little longer. Neil's correspondent gave in when he decided to articulate his annoyance at George R R Martin, but he exercised control in that he didn't (as far as I know) scream directly at Mr Martin, but instead put it to Neil in the form of a question.
It's not wrong to feel anything, just as it's not wrong to think anything or believe anything. I don't believe telling people that it is helps at all; it just gets them all wound up about something over which they have no control. What you do about your feelings, what you say and to whom, how you express your emotional state...that is something over which you have, most of the time, some control.
Is it wrong to feel annoyed when an author isn't writing the book you want her to write? No.
Is it wrong to write to that author saying "Why aren't you writing the book I want you to write?" Could be. Depending on how you frame the question, it could be very wrong, or it could just be mildly irritating. Either way, it's best to think before you do it, something the net makes it very easy not to do.
And now I really am going to go and do the dishes.
EDIT: no I'm not, because I've seen the pitfall yawning. Someone, possibly
howeird, will comment with an air of spurious innocence along the lines of "So, you're saying that it's not wrong to feel, say, hatred towards non-white people, then?"In the sense that that feeling is not justified, yes, of course it is wrong. I want to be very clear on that. Sometimes feelings are without justification. Emotion has by its nature very little to do with truth.
What I am saying is that telling someone that it is wrong to feel that hatred (in the sense of "morally unacceptable") will not enable them to make the feeling go away. Feelings can change, of course, but the process is hardly ever susceptible to conscious control, and can take years. We may, given a firm resolve and the willingness to act on the part of our leaders, be able to eradicate acts of hatred, and compel those who feel the hatred to choose not to act on it, every time. I hope we can. But that will not make the hatred disappear. Even if we can induce people in the grip of hatred to want to be free of it, that is not something they can do by a single act of will. It's not in their control, any more than the flash of irritation when you read your favourite writer's blog and there's nothing there about the next book, or the surge of depression when I think about that sink full of crockery.
I hope that makes my meaning a little clearer.
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-20 06:52 pm (UTC)- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay