And on, while it's coming...
Mar. 4th, 2009 09:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avevale_intelligencerIt was a week later.
"Well, let's see," Soren said, sitting down on a rock. "Let's recap."
"Otherwise the nib will dry out," Zander said gravely.
"We spent two days carving this rock into a sort of maze of tunnels and alcoves," Soren said, ticking off points on his fingers, "while the fabricators on the smallship turned out a job lot of two thousand monkish robes, one size, no fitting. You then went around the nearby unAffiliated systems collecting--how shall I put it--indigent elderly gentlemen, whom you dressed in the robes and issued with one each of those Mergalian prayer bead frames that have been hanging around the homeship since Dagobert got lumbered eighty years ago."
"I got a silver star from the Safety Committee for disposing of a minor hazard," Zander said.
"Well done, dear boy. Keep this up and you shall have an extra helping of disgusting pink goo at dinner time," Soren said. "You have also--and I note this purely for informational purposes--got yourself up in a distinctly superior costume. I'm still wondering where mine is. And the final touch," he turned to gaze at a nearby rise, "is the construction of some kind of radio telescope affair over there, for reasons which pass understanding. So now, Zander, my old mate, my old pal, my old beauty, I ask in all humility and out of a pure and simple desire for enlightenment, what the FROD are you playing at?!"
Zander smiled beatifically. "Very simple," he said. "The universe is coming to an end."
Soren stared for a moment, then looked around wildly. "Where?"
"Well, everywhere," Zander said. "Overhead, without any fuss, the stars are going out. Have been going out for some time, actually, only the light hasn't reached us yet. Or rather the absence of light."
"Zander," Soren said dangerously.
"Relax," Zander said, waving his hands in a calming motion. "This, I make bold to say, is my masterpiece, Soren. I've been working on the preliminaries for the past fifty years, seeding references wherever we went to a new mathematical discipline. There are now several institutions set up on various worlds to study it, and hopefully it will take them a few decades yet to work out that it's all moonshine. Fortunately, it's not something just anyone can do. It takes a gathering of superbly trained and disciplined minds, working in perfect harmony and congruence to a shared goal. You try and get a bunch of genuine academics to do that."
"I remain mystified," Soren said.
"With this discipline," Zander went on, "I and my fellow seekers after knowledge here--" His arm swept out, indicating the rows of alcoves, each with its abacus-wielding, mumbling acolyte. "--have been probing the infinite, and have made a fearsome discovery. Entropy is far more advanced than anyone has realised. The universe is long past its sell-by date, and the only thing that is keeping it working is--"
"What?" Soren demanded.
"I don't know. I need a buzzphrase. But whatever it is, we're the only ones keeping it going. If we were to cease our efforts, the entire universe would fold up like a Chinese puzzle and go phut. Naturally, we are a non-profit-making organisation, but there are unavoidable costs, overheads, robes, bead replacement, throat lozenges and so on and so forth, and in short, any small donation to keep the universe open for business would oblige."
"And you've presumably allowed this information to leak out--"
"Through the usual back channels, yes. Not the end of the universe bit, as yet, just that we're here and doing a splendid job at whatever it is we do. I'll start to apply the screws when we've been around for a year or so."
"You're holding the entire frodding universe to ransom," Soren said.
"Ransom is such an ugly word," Zander sighed.
"No it isn't," Soren said. "Actually, I think it sounds rather nice. If you want a really ugly word, try--"
"I would never stoop to threatening to shut the operation down," Zander said piously. "That would be wrong. I shall simply allow it to be known that we operate on the trembling verge of ruination and that without regular supplies of cash we shall be unable to continue pedalling. Perfectly straightforward and above board, and no hint of coercion anywhere."
Soren frowned. "How sure are you the maths will hold up?" he said. "I would hate to think that some professor might--"
"It's entirely self-consistent," Zander said, "and utterly in keeping with the latest pseudo-scientific gobbledegook. Right out there on the cutting edge where nobody really knows what they're talking about anyway. And if they want to come here for a small demonstration, I'm sure something can be arranged."
"Frods, Zan, it's risky," Soren said.
"Risk is our meat and drink," Zander declared blithely.
"Well, speaking for myself, old son, my meat and drink are actually meat and drink," Soren said. "So, on second thoughts, I think I will take you up on your kind offer and go back to the homeship. I actually, now I come to think of it, I left a library book in my locker which I really--"
"I need your help, Soren," Zander said urgently. "I can't bring this off on my own. I've gone about as far as I can with the technical stuff, and I know it hangs together, but I need you in case I get flummoxed."
"Well--" Soren hesitated. "Oh all right. But I stay behind the scenes, all right?" he said. "On no account does this mug appear anywhere in connection with this scam."
"Absolutely," Zander said. "You have my word on it. Although I don't know why you're worrying," he went on. "Absolutely nothing can--"
There was an eerie noise, reminiscent of a Gilchrist machine powering down, and a blue, boxlike object appeared a little way off.
Zander threw out his hands and apostrophised the universe. "You could at least let me finish saying it."
"Well, let's see," Soren said, sitting down on a rock. "Let's recap."
"Otherwise the nib will dry out," Zander said gravely.
"We spent two days carving this rock into a sort of maze of tunnels and alcoves," Soren said, ticking off points on his fingers, "while the fabricators on the smallship turned out a job lot of two thousand monkish robes, one size, no fitting. You then went around the nearby unAffiliated systems collecting--how shall I put it--indigent elderly gentlemen, whom you dressed in the robes and issued with one each of those Mergalian prayer bead frames that have been hanging around the homeship since Dagobert got lumbered eighty years ago."
"I got a silver star from the Safety Committee for disposing of a minor hazard," Zander said.
"Well done, dear boy. Keep this up and you shall have an extra helping of disgusting pink goo at dinner time," Soren said. "You have also--and I note this purely for informational purposes--got yourself up in a distinctly superior costume. I'm still wondering where mine is. And the final touch," he turned to gaze at a nearby rise, "is the construction of some kind of radio telescope affair over there, for reasons which pass understanding. So now, Zander, my old mate, my old pal, my old beauty, I ask in all humility and out of a pure and simple desire for enlightenment, what the FROD are you playing at?!"
Zander smiled beatifically. "Very simple," he said. "The universe is coming to an end."
Soren stared for a moment, then looked around wildly. "Where?"
"Well, everywhere," Zander said. "Overhead, without any fuss, the stars are going out. Have been going out for some time, actually, only the light hasn't reached us yet. Or rather the absence of light."
"Zander," Soren said dangerously.
"Relax," Zander said, waving his hands in a calming motion. "This, I make bold to say, is my masterpiece, Soren. I've been working on the preliminaries for the past fifty years, seeding references wherever we went to a new mathematical discipline. There are now several institutions set up on various worlds to study it, and hopefully it will take them a few decades yet to work out that it's all moonshine. Fortunately, it's not something just anyone can do. It takes a gathering of superbly trained and disciplined minds, working in perfect harmony and congruence to a shared goal. You try and get a bunch of genuine academics to do that."
"I remain mystified," Soren said.
"With this discipline," Zander went on, "I and my fellow seekers after knowledge here--" His arm swept out, indicating the rows of alcoves, each with its abacus-wielding, mumbling acolyte. "--have been probing the infinite, and have made a fearsome discovery. Entropy is far more advanced than anyone has realised. The universe is long past its sell-by date, and the only thing that is keeping it working is--"
"What?" Soren demanded.
"I don't know. I need a buzzphrase. But whatever it is, we're the only ones keeping it going. If we were to cease our efforts, the entire universe would fold up like a Chinese puzzle and go phut. Naturally, we are a non-profit-making organisation, but there are unavoidable costs, overheads, robes, bead replacement, throat lozenges and so on and so forth, and in short, any small donation to keep the universe open for business would oblige."
"And you've presumably allowed this information to leak out--"
"Through the usual back channels, yes. Not the end of the universe bit, as yet, just that we're here and doing a splendid job at whatever it is we do. I'll start to apply the screws when we've been around for a year or so."
"You're holding the entire frodding universe to ransom," Soren said.
"Ransom is such an ugly word," Zander sighed.
"No it isn't," Soren said. "Actually, I think it sounds rather nice. If you want a really ugly word, try--"
"I would never stoop to threatening to shut the operation down," Zander said piously. "That would be wrong. I shall simply allow it to be known that we operate on the trembling verge of ruination and that without regular supplies of cash we shall be unable to continue pedalling. Perfectly straightforward and above board, and no hint of coercion anywhere."
Soren frowned. "How sure are you the maths will hold up?" he said. "I would hate to think that some professor might--"
"It's entirely self-consistent," Zander said, "and utterly in keeping with the latest pseudo-scientific gobbledegook. Right out there on the cutting edge where nobody really knows what they're talking about anyway. And if they want to come here for a small demonstration, I'm sure something can be arranged."
"Frods, Zan, it's risky," Soren said.
"Risk is our meat and drink," Zander declared blithely.
"Well, speaking for myself, old son, my meat and drink are actually meat and drink," Soren said. "So, on second thoughts, I think I will take you up on your kind offer and go back to the homeship. I actually, now I come to think of it, I left a library book in my locker which I really--"
"I need your help, Soren," Zander said urgently. "I can't bring this off on my own. I've gone about as far as I can with the technical stuff, and I know it hangs together, but I need you in case I get flummoxed."
"Well--" Soren hesitated. "Oh all right. But I stay behind the scenes, all right?" he said. "On no account does this mug appear anywhere in connection with this scam."
"Absolutely," Zander said. "You have my word on it. Although I don't know why you're worrying," he went on. "Absolutely nothing can--"
There was an eerie noise, reminiscent of a Gilchrist machine powering down, and a blue, boxlike object appeared a little way off.
Zander threw out his hands and apostrophised the universe. "You could at least let me finish saying it."
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no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 08:45 am (UTC)(I will remember, and borrow to use, that reply to "Let's recap"...)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 12:28 pm (UTC)I was about to query whether the Gilchrist can *do* this, but then, you have one version, and I have another, and this is yours. But in that case (and assuming it is him), won't he eventually work out that it could get him to Bad Wolf Bay (not that, of course, he currently *wants* to, given his avatar is there already).
Anemt the main storyline, I suggest throwing in the Mayan Great Calendar (with or without the parrot's-eye circuits), and astrolgoical Ophiuchus -- that ought to keep the professorial community ... active
no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 01:15 pm (UTC)I had to read this twice to fully understand what was going on (then again, trying to read this in a middle of a class lecture might not be the ideal time to attempt reading a Nyrond story)
no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-05 09:22 pm (UTC)Saw what the icon said.
Date: 2009-03-06 07:43 pm (UTC)