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The Shop, continued
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:13 am
( Here we go... )Dec. 9th, 2008
( Here we go... )How these things get started
Dec. 9th, 2008 09:36 pmOverheard in a hospital parking garage, somewhere in the English countryside, a few decades ago:
"What are you doing? What's that you've put on the bonnet? ECNALUBMA? What's ecnalubma when it's at home? Sounds like a skin condition. And look, you've got half the letters the wrong way round. Here, you're not Russian, are you? If you're one of those Russian spies we hear about on the news--I am not having our ambulances being used to transmit coded messages. Not that I think much of your method if that is what you're doing. Bit blatant, I'd have thought. Still, I suppose you know your own business.
"It's what? It's AMBULANCE backwards? Well yes, I can see that, now you point it out. But why would you want to write AMBULANCE backwards on an ambulance frontwards--I mean, on an ambulance's front? I mean, I can see putting it on the back backwards, maybe, if you wanted to crack on to a tourist that it went all the way through like Blackpool rock, but--
"So they can read it in their mirrors. I see. So what you want is for people to look in their mirrors and see an ambulance with AMBULANCE on the front.
"Look, son. You're young, and keen, and I don't fault you for that. But you've got to consider the British motorist. If he looks in his mirror and sees something written the right way round, he's going to react one of three ways. First off, he's going to think his mirror's stopped working. No, they do, I've seen 'em. It's a pathetic sight. Taking it off, shaking it, holding it up to their ears. Second, he's going to think he's suddenly gone dyslexic. You should see some of the letters we get. And third, and this is where the real problem comes in, he's going to forget he's looking at a mirror and think the thing's coming at him on his side of the road. You can't go confusing the British motorist. Well, confusing him more, I should say. I mean, suppose this ecnalubma behind him starts indicating 'cause it wants to overtake? He'll see the light flashing next to the E and think the damn thing's pulling in. This could cause chaos on the roads. Accidents everywhere, casualty departments overloaded, more funding for the--have you got a spare paintbrush? I'll do the ones down this side..."
"What are you doing? What's that you've put on the bonnet? ECNALUBMA? What's ecnalubma when it's at home? Sounds like a skin condition. And look, you've got half the letters the wrong way round. Here, you're not Russian, are you? If you're one of those Russian spies we hear about on the news--I am not having our ambulances being used to transmit coded messages. Not that I think much of your method if that is what you're doing. Bit blatant, I'd have thought. Still, I suppose you know your own business.
"It's what? It's AMBULANCE backwards? Well yes, I can see that, now you point it out. But why would you want to write AMBULANCE backwards on an ambulance frontwards--I mean, on an ambulance's front? I mean, I can see putting it on the back backwards, maybe, if you wanted to crack on to a tourist that it went all the way through like Blackpool rock, but--
"So they can read it in their mirrors. I see. So what you want is for people to look in their mirrors and see an ambulance with AMBULANCE on the front.
"Look, son. You're young, and keen, and I don't fault you for that. But you've got to consider the British motorist. If he looks in his mirror and sees something written the right way round, he's going to react one of three ways. First off, he's going to think his mirror's stopped working. No, they do, I've seen 'em. It's a pathetic sight. Taking it off, shaking it, holding it up to their ears. Second, he's going to think he's suddenly gone dyslexic. You should see some of the letters we get. And third, and this is where the real problem comes in, he's going to forget he's looking at a mirror and think the thing's coming at him on his side of the road. You can't go confusing the British motorist. Well, confusing him more, I should say. I mean, suppose this ecnalubma behind him starts indicating 'cause it wants to overtake? He'll see the light flashing next to the E and think the damn thing's pulling in. This could cause chaos on the roads. Accidents everywhere, casualty departments overloaded, more funding for the--have you got a spare paintbrush? I'll do the ones down this side..."
