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A flight of fancy
Jul. 10th, 2016 02:52 pmFrom the Protocols of the Grocer of Grantham, chapter 7 (a paranoid conspiracy theory with absolutely no foundation in reality):
"By now, with your people safely entrenched in both the other major parties (and I do hope you have not neglected the Liberal Democrats; they may seem like a spent force, but could still cause trouble unless properly domesticated), you should be in a position to pursue our agenda without further disruption. However, it is important to be vigilant. At any point, such are the vagaries of politics, Labour may throw up a leader who refuses to toe the line. This will be a man of principle, determined, unwavering, and possibly possessed of sufficient charisma to inspire the plebs with hope. IT IS VITAL THAT THIS MAN BE GOT RID OF WITHOUT DELAY. I have listed some possible candidates from among the young firebrands of the Left in Appendix VI (and remember my advice in chapter 3 about the importance of keeping these lists updated. It will be no good consulting them in 2050 or 2100 if you have not added to them regularly. Go and do it now!).
"There are a number of possible methods of achieving the erasure of this threat. If you still have a list of useful contacts in the intelligence community, they will be able to suggest ways in which he can be discredited, brought under control, or in the last resort eliminated; however, this is a dangerous course and should only be undertaken if no other means presents itself. If you were to take my advice, and if the political climate is conducive to such a thing, I should suggest what I call the "SDP strategy."
1. Get one of your people in Labour to declare that he can no longer serve under this leader. Have him resign from the party and form a new one, which all your people will promptly join (though I suggest leaving one or two behind for purposes of intelligence gathering). A few of the genuine parliamentary Labour types will also join, so it is important that the pretence is maintained at all times. The point must always seem to be "to provide a credible opposition to the Conservatives."
2. Call a general election as soon as your breakaway party is established.
3. Watch half the enemy plebs vote for your breakaway party, half for the remnant of Labour. Collect a comfortable majority from the rest.
4. In the unlikely event that you still do not manage to achieve an overall majority, form a coalition with the breakaway party and continue the agenda as planned. The plebs will soon forget that the other party were supposed to be opposing you, especially if you stress the "good of the country" angle and make a few cosmetic compromises.
5. When the post-election fuss has died down (and the troublemaking leader has been ejected) let the members of your breakaway party quietly merge back into Labour, or perhaps join the Liberal Democrats and make them change their name again.
Follow this simple strategy and you may expect no more trouble from Labour.
In Chapter 8 I will outline some suggestions as to what to do when Europe starts to become objectionable..."
"By now, with your people safely entrenched in both the other major parties (and I do hope you have not neglected the Liberal Democrats; they may seem like a spent force, but could still cause trouble unless properly domesticated), you should be in a position to pursue our agenda without further disruption. However, it is important to be vigilant. At any point, such are the vagaries of politics, Labour may throw up a leader who refuses to toe the line. This will be a man of principle, determined, unwavering, and possibly possessed of sufficient charisma to inspire the plebs with hope. IT IS VITAL THAT THIS MAN BE GOT RID OF WITHOUT DELAY. I have listed some possible candidates from among the young firebrands of the Left in Appendix VI (and remember my advice in chapter 3 about the importance of keeping these lists updated. It will be no good consulting them in 2050 or 2100 if you have not added to them regularly. Go and do it now!).
"There are a number of possible methods of achieving the erasure of this threat. If you still have a list of useful contacts in the intelligence community, they will be able to suggest ways in which he can be discredited, brought under control, or in the last resort eliminated; however, this is a dangerous course and should only be undertaken if no other means presents itself. If you were to take my advice, and if the political climate is conducive to such a thing, I should suggest what I call the "SDP strategy."
1. Get one of your people in Labour to declare that he can no longer serve under this leader. Have him resign from the party and form a new one, which all your people will promptly join (though I suggest leaving one or two behind for purposes of intelligence gathering). A few of the genuine parliamentary Labour types will also join, so it is important that the pretence is maintained at all times. The point must always seem to be "to provide a credible opposition to the Conservatives."
2. Call a general election as soon as your breakaway party is established.
3. Watch half the enemy plebs vote for your breakaway party, half for the remnant of Labour. Collect a comfortable majority from the rest.
4. In the unlikely event that you still do not manage to achieve an overall majority, form a coalition with the breakaway party and continue the agenda as planned. The plebs will soon forget that the other party were supposed to be opposing you, especially if you stress the "good of the country" angle and make a few cosmetic compromises.
5. When the post-election fuss has died down (and the troublemaking leader has been ejected) let the members of your breakaway party quietly merge back into Labour, or perhaps join the Liberal Democrats and make them change their name again.
Follow this simple strategy and you may expect no more trouble from Labour.
In Chapter 8 I will outline some suggestions as to what to do when Europe starts to become objectionable..."