Log of the Cambric, continued

[avevale_intelligencer]

I'm writing this in the crypt of Flebgom Abbey, which is as near to being a heavily-defended bunker as the church can come up with. Above me, out in the street, about half a dozen large and vociferous groups of protesters are being kept apart by the planetary police. The entire planet is in turmoil, and it's only a matter of time before open fighting breaks out in two dozen cities.

Apparently I have endorsed a movement within the NCSoP which advocates a return to traditional Neo-Coprodist values. It seems that even those who can agree on whether or not this is a bad idea find themselves unable to reach a consensus on what traditional Neo-Coprodist values are. So we've got people saying we should drop the Neo and reunite with the pure Coprodist Panarchy, people saying we should declare a holy war on the pure Coprodist Panarchy, and every shade of homicidal mania in between, and I'm right in the middle being accused of sixteen kinds of heresy by everyone.

And guess whose fault it is.

I don't think he's a saboteur any more. No-one could deliberately cause this much trouble. And he's in it as deep as I am. Literally, in this case.

On the other hand, he couldn't have been more effective if he had been trying. There's no way I can run the coup from inside a siege. All I can do is wait this out, contact Plut and ask them to send a proper replacement Heresiarch, and slink back to the homeship with my tail between my legs. There's nothing to be gained from this unholy mess. Nothing at all. If I ever get inside a smallship again it'll be with a mop and bucket.

P is waving at me. I think he wants to say something. It had better be an apology.

Comments

[soren-nyrond.livejournal.com]

Hello -- can you hear me ?

Well, no -- of course not :: not with the megaphones and the like being widely used.

All right, then :: Can you *see* me ?

I'm the white-faced one in the third vault down.
Come on, oh Exalted One -- So things aren't going as well as we might have hoped. It's Not My Fault.

All right then :: Yes, it is, but I Never Meant for it to go This Far. Apparently somewhere down the turnpike someone inflated my "The Heresiarch might be interested :: what's it worth for me to mention it to him ??" into "The Exalted Heresiarch totally agrees with you but he daren't say it himself so will you do it for him ?"

I'm also hungry, because they didn't fit a food-dispenser into any of these burial vaults, and my face is currently just a little well-known to a particularly militant sect of individuals who plan on barbecuing me in public and in one piece before formally and sacramentally eating my medium-rare remains.

Look, just get the smallship, and let's get out of here. We can chalk this one up to experience, and work out a story while we're headfing back to the homeship. Something about Giant Space Hamsters eating the planet while we weren't looking.

[jahura.livejournal.com]

Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Watch the transoptic, please - that's delicate equipment. Pardon me. Coming through, excuse me. Oomph. Par-don me, sir! Excuse me. Thank you. Excuse me.

Good morning, sir. Are you the assistant to the new Heriditary Heresiarch of the Neo-Corpodist Schism of Plut? If so, I'd like to have a word or two, if I may on behalf of the interested public.

[soren-nyrond.livejournal.com]

Hello. Yes. Thank you for coming.

My name ? J. Peasemould -- no, no, no : that would be Hartley appropriate.
I am S. Queer Wackford, and I have the honour -- the irrefulgible honour -- to be a minor functionary in the Heresiarch's staff.

The Neo-Coprodist Phalange ?
No -- neither I nor any member of the Heresiarch's entourage have ever given a moment's consideration to --

A recording ?
Of my voice ?
With 3-D hologrammatic visual record ?

Would you excuse me -- I think my brerakfast and I are having a minor disagreement. Yes, the blue glop, if you'd be so good. Three teaspoonfuls in a glass of water. And a small port to take the taste away, if you wouldn't mind ?

A *large* port ?
Well, I could be ....

Now, what was it exactly you wished to discuss, again ?

[jahura.livejournal.com]

Well, there's no port like a portly port, and this would most assuredly quell the hematophage for a Sabbath...aufda'.

*ahem* Are there any truth to the rumors that the new Hereditary Heresiarch is soliciting support from the Drogo Houses and Tavernaria for this up and coming Crusade? And what, if any, is the official news of the health status of Mgr Seenor Potshot?

[soren-nyrond.livejournal.com]

With regard to the issue of the Drogonic deputation, I think I can say, without fear of contradiction, that the Hereditary Heresiarch has always relied, and is likely to continue to rely, in light of the excellent services to date, in matters of this ilk, on the estimable services of St.Ana Distilleries and their new Luxury Jacuzzi Division.

And on that especial topic, may I offer you a brochure, and draw you attention to page 92 ? The installation there displayed can be yours for only 34,590 crabs, plus local taxes.
The young ladies ? No, they are *not* included in that price -- "Other talents run a higher charge" and all that.

The Monseigneur, I am pleased to say, is far better -- the bunion on his Spanish onion is healing quite nicely and we expect him to be up and about quite shortly. About 3'6" to be precise, as someone in the hotel took away his wedge heels to be cleaned and we haven't seem then since.

An, now, the young person on page 96 -- yes, I have her vidphone number and I can assure you that she gives excellent service.

Another port ? Thank you.

[jahura.livejournal.com]

J's note - sorry for the repeat. Had to make some edits, as you can see. :(

Can we get a shot of this?
DW: VK>>K/ Kahlil, be so kind as to fax this to G, would you? Many graces. How many cases do we have left? Put in an order to the Dionysistic Order, we may need to re-stock, and put a rush on it. The delivery, not the merchandise. /ET.

Ah, yes, we're well familiar with the girl. She's a charmer, that one. Her Must Confessions I believe are to be displayed on the N-cast as a featured download this next lunar cycle. Pre-orders have almost surpassed the Must Confessions of a Tachycimulist and the TCC is working on a fully illustrated version once the legal department haggles all the permissions...

but that's neither there nor here, that's at the Distillery. *grin*

Aufda'.

And you are aware of their association with the Tavernaria, are you not? Oh, yes. They have an exclusive barter compact with a particular vintage that's light and fruity without being watered down. It's under the Quisiack label. We have here a manifest of several cases going to the Shog in exchange for a hold of disruptive influencers. Do you have any comment on that?