Let's talk (about men)
Sep. 21st, 2016 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avevale_intelligencerCome on, sit down. Over here. It's time we talked.
You're a good man. I know that. You've grown up always knowing that, no matter what anybody else said, men and women were equal members of the human race, and you've acted accordingly. You show everyone equal courtesy and respect, you speak out when you see some guy being obnoxious, and you support activist movements for equal rights. You're careful not to give offence by some casually sexist remark and you even know not to say "Not all men..." You're genuinely good, and I admire you for that.
And yet sometimes you look around and it seems like we haven't got anywhere. It seems as though the problem has just got bigger and bigger, and there's no end in sight, no gleam of hope. You know your friends are all right, but there are just so many others out there being stupid and evil and really, really loud, and it seems as if we're going backwards.
And you're asking yourself "what can men do to fix this?"
And the answer to that question, as it's stated, is "nothing."
Hold on. Let me explain.
You, personally, you can do a lot. You're doing it already, as I said up there at the top, and you're always looking for ways to be better. That is really important, I can't tell you how important that is, because the ideal, the ultimate end of desire, is to have every man do exactly what you're doing. Nobody expects you to be perfect, but that's what everyone should try for, because even falling short by a mile still puts you way ahead.
But what can men do...well, as I said, nothing, on their own.
Because men have never ever once in the history of the world done anything on their own.
All the good things, and I'm sorry to say all of the bad things, that humanity has achieved in its perilously short history on this planet, have been done by men and women together. Even before written history began, I'd bet. Certainly everything we know about. The rise and fall of Sumer and Egypt? Men and women. The Roman Empire? Men and women. The spread of Christianity? Men and women. The Crusades? The Renaissance? The Reformation? The Inquisition? The colonisation of America? The exploitation of Africa? The industrial revolution? Apollo?
Everything. All the way down the years, men and women, helping each other, supporting each other, fighting each other, killing each other, and whatever the history books say about how this man did this thing and this other man did that thing, you can bet there were women involved as well, crucially involved. You might not have heard about them, though, which is where you get this idea that men can solve even big problems all on their own.
You can't. You can do it for yourself, yes, but the first thing, the very first thing that men have to do, as a gender (and some men prefer other men and some men used to be women, I do not mean this to be heteronormative, but that's another topic right now) the very first thing is to admit that men need and love and depend on women, that the human race is not completely comprised in the set of its members who have, er, members, that men can't live without women and have denied that fact in their hearts for far too long.
Own your weakness alongside your strength.
I'm not talking about any specific man-woman (or whichever) pairing here, though if you've found someone who completes you then I'm ecstatically happy for you. I'm talking about men in general owning and acknowledging the fact that they are only half a species without women, that you can't have two halves that aren't equal. It seems obvious to you and me, but it's not obvious to everyone, and it needs to be made obvious.
We can't fix ourselves alone, not any of us. And it's not like men can go to women and get them to do all the work and then get up and swagger off, all fixed and back to normal. It's not like that. This is an ongoing thing, a lifetime thing, a shared thing. You've done so much in yourself, as much as anyone can do, but you need to do a little bit more for your half of humanity, and that starts with admitting that no, we aren't capable of doing everything for ourselves. The flaw in our nature is there for a reason. It's there because our ancestors and our families and our leaders and everyone has perpetuated and systematised and institutionalised the notion that men are the Can-Do Captains of humanity and women are a sort of bolt-on accessory, an optional extra. That's not true and that idea needs to be rooted out, but men can't do it by themselves because all too often they can't even see it.
The problem is with men, but the only way it will be fixed is if men can admit that they can't do it alone. The only way it will be fixed is by all of us together. Men and women. Women and men.
Thank you for listening.
You're a good man. I know that. You've grown up always knowing that, no matter what anybody else said, men and women were equal members of the human race, and you've acted accordingly. You show everyone equal courtesy and respect, you speak out when you see some guy being obnoxious, and you support activist movements for equal rights. You're careful not to give offence by some casually sexist remark and you even know not to say "Not all men..." You're genuinely good, and I admire you for that.
And yet sometimes you look around and it seems like we haven't got anywhere. It seems as though the problem has just got bigger and bigger, and there's no end in sight, no gleam of hope. You know your friends are all right, but there are just so many others out there being stupid and evil and really, really loud, and it seems as if we're going backwards.
And you're asking yourself "what can men do to fix this?"
And the answer to that question, as it's stated, is "nothing."
Hold on. Let me explain.
You, personally, you can do a lot. You're doing it already, as I said up there at the top, and you're always looking for ways to be better. That is really important, I can't tell you how important that is, because the ideal, the ultimate end of desire, is to have every man do exactly what you're doing. Nobody expects you to be perfect, but that's what everyone should try for, because even falling short by a mile still puts you way ahead.
But what can men do...well, as I said, nothing, on their own.
Because men have never ever once in the history of the world done anything on their own.
All the good things, and I'm sorry to say all of the bad things, that humanity has achieved in its perilously short history on this planet, have been done by men and women together. Even before written history began, I'd bet. Certainly everything we know about. The rise and fall of Sumer and Egypt? Men and women. The Roman Empire? Men and women. The spread of Christianity? Men and women. The Crusades? The Renaissance? The Reformation? The Inquisition? The colonisation of America? The exploitation of Africa? The industrial revolution? Apollo?
Everything. All the way down the years, men and women, helping each other, supporting each other, fighting each other, killing each other, and whatever the history books say about how this man did this thing and this other man did that thing, you can bet there were women involved as well, crucially involved. You might not have heard about them, though, which is where you get this idea that men can solve even big problems all on their own.
You can't. You can do it for yourself, yes, but the first thing, the very first thing that men have to do, as a gender (and some men prefer other men and some men used to be women, I do not mean this to be heteronormative, but that's another topic right now) the very first thing is to admit that men need and love and depend on women, that the human race is not completely comprised in the set of its members who have, er, members, that men can't live without women and have denied that fact in their hearts for far too long.
Own your weakness alongside your strength.
I'm not talking about any specific man-woman (or whichever) pairing here, though if you've found someone who completes you then I'm ecstatically happy for you. I'm talking about men in general owning and acknowledging the fact that they are only half a species without women, that you can't have two halves that aren't equal. It seems obvious to you and me, but it's not obvious to everyone, and it needs to be made obvious.
We can't fix ourselves alone, not any of us. And it's not like men can go to women and get them to do all the work and then get up and swagger off, all fixed and back to normal. It's not like that. This is an ongoing thing, a lifetime thing, a shared thing. You've done so much in yourself, as much as anyone can do, but you need to do a little bit more for your half of humanity, and that starts with admitting that no, we aren't capable of doing everything for ourselves. The flaw in our nature is there for a reason. It's there because our ancestors and our families and our leaders and everyone has perpetuated and systematised and institutionalised the notion that men are the Can-Do Captains of humanity and women are a sort of bolt-on accessory, an optional extra. That's not true and that idea needs to be rooted out, but men can't do it by themselves because all too often they can't even see it.
The problem is with men, but the only way it will be fixed is if men can admit that they can't do it alone. The only way it will be fixed is by all of us together. Men and women. Women and men.
Thank you for listening.