avevale_intelligencer: (Default)
(TTTO "Twice Shy" by Flanders and Swann)

When it's Friday night in the hotel bar
And a tall young man comes in
With a scarf as long as the A14
And a quite unnerving grin
As he offers the jelly babies round
With a cry of "how do you do?"
The well-dressed chap on the neighbouring stool
Will casually say to you...

Well, of course, some people do take the whole thing far too seriously...

Not me,
Not me,
I'm as normal as I can be.
From every kind of weirdness I
Am absolutely free.
Not me,
Not me,
I'm sure we would all agree.
It's just a show that I used to view
But I gave it up at the age of two
And now I'm a grown-up just like you
Yes, they're the fans, not me
They're nothing to do with me.

In a large and bustling bookshop
A young woman stands in line
Wearing a straw hat and sailor suit
And towing a wheeled K9.
As she shyly offers her pile of books
For the actor to make her mark
The sales assistant will nudge his friend
And sorrowfully remark...

No, it's sad really that some people's lives are so empty and shallow...

Not me,
Not me,
It's never been my cup of tea.
I'm a normal bloke, I support West Ham
And I drive a Ford Capri.
Not me,
Not me,
You should bark up a different tree.
I really think I should make it clear
Though I cancelled my wedding so I could be here
And the actual signing was my idea--
Still they're the fans, not me,
It's nothing to do with me.

And so with every TV show
And every film or book
There are those who blaze their passion forth
In the way they talk and look
They memorise scripts and make up lists
And argue the toss all day
And there are those who nervously turn their backs and take off their I HEART ROSE TYLER badges
As they make it a point to say...

Well, I really don't see what all the fuss is about, I mean, let's face it, it's only a television programme after all...

Not me,
Not me,
I eschew such hypocrisy.
I wear my fan's heart upon my sleeve
For all the world to see.
That's me,
That's me,
W Y S I W Y G.
I may not like the same things you do
But your fannish passion is just as true
And I'm proud to say I'm the same as you
And you're the same as me
Yes, you're a fan like me.

EDIT: minor tweaks. And again.
avevale_intelligencer: (Default)
And now, in the style of Julie Brown, and in honour of [livejournal.com profile] cadhla:

(Spoken, as reporter) “I’m speaking to you live from the heart of San Francisco and we should be able to give you a clear view of what’s happening…apparently a young woman is running amok in the city centre…There she is! Jerry, get closer…just lean out over the balcony…(chainsaw roars) omigod, there goes his telephoto!”

(Chorus) She’s a Pretty Pink Princess, she’s got a chainsaw in her hands,
She’s a Pretty Pink Princess, those jerks don’t stand a chance,
In her pink silk dress with frills and bows, she’s cutting off fingers and she’s cutting off toes,
And that’s not all...
She’s a Pretty Pink Princess, having a ball.

(spoken) It was bad on the bus, but she didn’t make a fuss, ‘cuz a princess shouldn’t lose her head,
It was worse on the train but she didn’t complain, Though she wished she’d’a stood in bed,
But when someone at the office made a stupid joke, it was the final straw and the dam just broke,
She smashed through the window of a hardware store, I Have Chainsaw! Hear Me Roar!
(chainsaw roars into:)

(Chorus)
In her diamond tiara and her satiny shoes, it’s like she’s strung out on some really bad booze,
She’s moving fast...
She’s a Pretty Pink Princess, having a blast.

Instrumental

(Chorus)
Like Jason Voorhees in Barbie drag, sister’s got a brand new chopping bag,
Just watch them run…
She’s a Pretty Pink Princess, having some fun.

(spoken) Then the cops arrived and surrounded the place, it was just like Terminator 2,
And she just stood there with a smile on her face, there was nothing anybody could do,
And then she raised her chainsaw above her head, the cops opened fire and we were sure she was dead,
But when the smoke cleared—
(Cop: “Hey, where’d she go?”)
There was nothing there, but one pink satin bow…

(Chorus)
So don’t jerk us around, don’t make us feel bad, ‘cuz she’s out there somewhere and she’s still mad,
And she’ll come when we call...
Oh, Pretty Pink Princess...
(quietly)...kill ‘em all.

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