avevale_intelligencer | By popular request...

I've always hated, in a muted grumbly sort of way, those films where a currently popular comedian is implausibly transported to the Middle Ages or another equally benighted period, and his or her main achievement is to whip out a Walkman and treat the peasants and nobles to whatever variant of disco is in fashion that week. Whereupon, of course, they all exclaim "Gadzooks, verily this be a gas!" and start frugging or whatever as if they had been doing it all their lives, causing unintentional merriment to those who watch the film a year later when that particular dance looks even stupider than it did at the time and nobody remembers the comedian's name.

For much the same reason I question the wisdom, in what purports to be both a serious (children's) drama and an episode of a programme that has transcended fashion and will be fifty years old before too long, of referencing existing television shows which, please gods, will be gone and forgotten inside a decade, one with "Take Your Pick" and "Criss Cross Quiz." I know they did it in the early years, but they didn't know any better then, and besides, the Beatles have lasted, kind of. It would have been just as easy to make up similar but different programmes and just refer to the real ones by name.

We're getting to the end of the season now, and things are moving faster. It's nice to see the Daleks again, particularly as it pokes a rather large hole in the alleged Doctor's story about the Time War. There's no doubt that a war did take place, as other people have talked about it, but it obviously was not as he thought it was in at least one respect. (Incidentally, I worked out last night why they had Gallifrey destroyed. Nothing to do with adding drama and pathos to the character: nothing to do, except marginally, with stripping away all the mythological apparatus of the Time Lords: purely and simply because RTD's beloved conception of the Doctor as workin' class 'ero goes completely phthbbbththphttt if you've got Chancellors and Castellans and Cardinals in fancy robes all deferring to him and calling him "Lord Ex-president" and so on. In fact, the writers destroyed his home and his people for political reasons. That's why, even though the Daleks are back, the Time Lords won't be. They upset the balance of good and evil in their entire universe so that the Doctor didn't have to talk like a southerner. I call that petty. But see below.) I did have a slight problem with the fact that when the Daleks threatened to exterminate Rose if the Doctor didn't co-operate, and he said "no," they then did not exterminate Rose. If there is a reason for this, doubtless it will be explained next week.

Apart from those quibbles and my ongoing gripes, it was a good episode again. Pity that for me at least it's too little too late. Which is not to say I won't keep watching subsequent seasons, assuming there are any--I kept watching "Lost In Space," after all--but more critically than I really wanted to watch something I loved this much. There's been a violation of trust, and, as someone once said, it has to be rebuilt. It's a long and important process. And I'd love to just skip it, but I can't.

Having said that, I have had to face up to some things about myself I'm not too keen on as a result of this series. I said it wasn't the accent I was objecting to, it was the sloppy diction, which does make me an education snob. (But WHY can't the Doctor, who obviously is educated, appear to be educated???) That isn't all, though. The "confidential" programme on BBC3 afterwards mentioned the Doctor's "eccentricity" as one of the reasons he was so loved. I'm sure I don't have to point out that only the upper class are privileged to be "eccentric": for the rest of us they have other, less attractive words. That isn't it either.

Here's the thing. If I was walking down the street and I saw any of the previous Doctors standing on the corner, and I didn't know them, I'd be interested, amused perhaps by their outfits. I would know them for people like me. If I was walking down the street and I saw this Doctor standing on the corner and I didn't know him, I would cross the street to avoid him, in case he decided I was a pansy and needed a kicking. I would think he was a thug, because there are thugs, and he looks like a thug. I'd be afraid.

The Doctor has never, ever, scared me before. And that's why I feel betrayed...but it's really not his problem, in the end. It's mine.

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I thought that it was BLOODY AWFUL.

The varous media parodies were limp, unimaginative stuff that would disgrace a particularly poor "Judge Dredd" strip, and had all of the humour of a truly duff Mad magazine script. Not to mention being the sort of smug, self-indulgent toss that you'd find in the worst of the Virgin New Adventures books. It was sub-panto crap that made stage play "The Ultimate Adventure" look good.

The Daleks. Oh how are the mighty fallen. The once-proud and ruthless conquerors and schemers, who planned to rip the cores out of planets and destroy Time itself, now plot to rule the Universe by...sponsoring naff game shows and reality TV. It's enough to make even strong men shiver. And as for sparing Rose's life to take her hostage - come off it. That's the sort of thing that a Cyberman would do. A Dalek is supposed to be so arrogant - "one Dalek can destroy all" - that it wouldn't NEED to take hostages. It would just merrily exterminate them all.

And Eccleston's big speech at the end had all of the fire and intensity of Walter the Softy. When any other Doctor - even McCoy - squared off to the Daleks, you could HEAR the fury and defiance in their voices, and they rang true. Eccleston merely came across as a posturing pub bully.

This sort of thing can work well as a 25-minute piss-take (and I'm sorry, calling it "camp" is not defence enough, it needs to be good AS WELL AS camp), with the right cast and writer. I believe it was called "The Ratings War", and starred Colin Baker as the Doctor and Toby Longworth as Beep the Meep, and was written by Steve Lyons. And was BRILLIANT.

This, on the other hand, was tawdry, smug, vapid TOSS. And "The Parting Of The Ways" is going to have to be truly brilliant to atone for it.

My goodness. I thought I was unhappy. Well articulated, that lady.

Ah yes, "The Ratings War". Magnificent.

[SINGS BOLDLY:]
Kill them all! Kill them all!
Kill them all! Kill them all!
Kiiiillllll.... theeeeemmmmm.... aaaaalllllll!
[SINGS DAINTILY:]
La-la-la, la la la *laaah*, la-la!
La-la-la, la la la *laaah*, la-la!
La-la-la, la-la-la,
La-la-la-la-la-la-la,
La-la-la la *laaaahh*, la-laaaahh!
[EXITS SKIPPING DAINTILY, WITH POINTY EARS FLICKING CUTELY, RAZOR TEETH CAREFULLY CONCEALED, AND MEGA-DEATH HAND CANNON CASUALLY DANGLING FROM FINGERS]

"Let the streets run red, spread our message of pain:
When they beg for their lives, use the pliers again -
No need to ask why! Do it for The Most-High!
YOU ARE BEEP'S FRIEND, CONQUER ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!"

(backing away slowly, hands in the air) And this was...what exactly?

It was a free CD given away with Dr Who magazine a while back, made the Big Finish Dr Who audio people. Featured a character Beep the Meep (http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/b/beepmeep.htm) from the old Dr Who comic strips, and parodied reality television (along with the effects taht the realities of television had upon the later years of Dr Who).

Surprisingly good.

That should read 'made by Big Finish, the Dr Who audio people'

By popular request...

Posted elsewhere already, but here's my two penn'orth...

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Re: Posted elsewhere already, but here's my two penn'orth...

Re: Posted elsewhere already, but here's my two penn'orth...

Re: Posted elsewhere already, but here's my two penn'orth...

Re: Posted elsewhere already, but here's my two penn'orth...

Re: Posted elsewhere already, but here's my two penn'orth...