"I'm sorry things suck so hard right now" seems a laughably pale sentiment in light of what you're wrestling with, but it's true, regardless. As is my relief that you are still with us and my hopes that you will heal in body and in spirit and be surrounded by those whom you love. You have so much talent and awesomeness to give the world, and I'm heartily glad the world still has to opportunity to benefit from it. *enormous hugs*